We Discuss Self-Restraint

Millie woofs at ladies when they first enter our house, but gets over it pretty quickly. She woofs more at most guys, but then eventually gets over it. A few guys, however, are on Millie's Very Bad Man list, and when they show up she goes bonkers. For the record, these hapless few have never been anything but lovely to Millie, so I don't understand what her deal is. One even brings Pupperoni to placate her, but his attempts to bond with her just make her more suspicious.

Yesterday evening, we had some friends over. Millie was pretty calm, but then a charter member of the VBM list arrived. Millie was outraged (legs stiff, emphatic woofing with a bounce). I penned her in the living room and we discussed:

Me: Millie, I don't know what your problem is.
Millie: Woof! Woof! Grrrrr...
Me: Millie, you need to settle yourself.
Millie: GrrrrrrWoof. Hurf.
Me: Okay, are you done now?
Millie: Hurf.
Me: I'm letting you out now, but if you woof again, you're back in here.
Millie: -------WOOF!
Me: Okay, back in the living room with you.
Millie: Urrrrr. Whine.
Me: It's your own fault.
Millie: Hurf.

Then came the pouting.

We Discuss Chocolate

I was stuck late at work today. The week before Xmas is supposed to be slow, but it's been crazy for me this year. I cabbed home, shoveled my sidewalk, slushed inside, and picked up a piece of chocolate to eat while delayering. My dog, Millie, rushed me and sat, head way up high at attention. This is her "I am an ASTONISHINGLY good dog" pose. We had this talk:

Me: Millie, this is my chocolate.
Millie: squeak-hmmmmm.
Me: No, Millie, this is MY chocolate. My. Chocolate.
Millie: hrrrrrhmmm*yawn*week.
Me: You shouldn't even want my chocolate. It will make you sick. Remember how sick you got that one day you snorked that peanut butter cup out of the bag hanging on the back of one of the dining room chairs? You couldn't stop pooping!
Millie: hur-hur-hur-hur-hur-hur-hur-hur-*sigh*
Me: I know, I know. Life is hard.
Millie:*poot*
Me: Did you just fart?!?

Then I fled.